here is the feedback that teacher provide: (and could you please make a visual image for me) like a graph that told the reader what this essay about.

First, there are issues of plagiarism in this draft, particularly with your first few paragraphs. You need to make sure that these arguments are you own and that you are not repeating the claims made by your sources. Please revise for the next draft. For revision, consider the following:

1. Revise working claim – your argument here is about what cities should do, but that is very hard to support and might be speculative. Rather, you can make a suggestion that other cities should turn to smart growth to address issues because as it is currently being implemented, it is achieving many good things (fill in your details).

2. Use topic sentences to state the argument for each body paragraph and be sure that it also ties back to your main claim. Remember, you are making a claim here about smart growth and you need to be more explicit about how some of your evidence is connected to your main claim.

3. You need to review your subclaims for this paper and see how they are supporting your argument about smart growth.

I already do some edit to the essay, and could you please extend the page limit to 10 and follow the requirement.

Here is who the teacher grade the essay:

Structure:

Consistently strong writing, logical progression of well articulated ideas, strong analysis synthesis, appropriate use of summary

Thesis:

Effective, original, has depth strong arguable

Elements of argument:

Above average understanding and application

Sources and evidence:

Strong selection, useful and well integrated

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